Thursday, May 27, 2004

To my Child

Just for this morning,
I am going to smile when I see your face
and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning,
I will let you choose what you want to wear,
and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning,
I am going to step over the laundry
and pick you up
and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning,
I will leave the dishes in the sink,
and let you teach me how to put
that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon,
I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off,
and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon,
I will not yell once,
not even a tiny grumble when you scream
and whine for the ice cream truck,
and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon,
I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up,
or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon,
I will let you help me bake cookies,
and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon,
I will take us to McDonald's
and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can
have both toys.

Just for this evening,
I will hold you in my arms
and tell you a story about how you were
born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening,
I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening,
I will let you stay up late
while we sit on the porch and count all
the stars.

Just for this evening,
I will snuggle beside you for hours,
and miss my favourite TV shows.

Just for this evening,
when I run my finger through your hair as you pray,
I will simply be grateful that
God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and
fathers who are searching for their missing children,
the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves
instead of their bedrooms.
The mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their
children suffer senselessly and screaming inside that little body

And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold
you a little tighter, a little longer.
It is then, that I will thank God for you,
and ask him for nothing, except one
more day.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Blonde and Blue Eyes

Here's something all Filipinos can be proud of . . .

Pinay wins it big in London

Patricia Evangelista, a 19-year-old, Mass Communications sophomore of University of the Philippines (UP)-Diliman, did the country proud Friday night by besting 59 other student contestants from 37 countries in the 2004 International Public Speaking competition conducted by the English Speaking Union (ESU) in London.

She triumphed over a field of exactly 60 speakers from all over the English-speaking world, including the United States, United Kingdom and Australia.

The board of judges' decision was unanimous, according to contest chairman Brian Hanharan of the British Broadcasting Corp. (BBC).

Patricia's short speech worth reading:

Blonde and Blue Eyes

When I was little, I wanted what many Filipino children all over the country wanted. I wanted to be blond, blue-eyed, and white.

I thought -- if I just wished hard enough and was good enough, I'd wake up on Christmas morning with snow outside my window and freckles across my nose!

More than four centuries under western domination does that to you. I have sixteen cousins. In a couple of years, there will just be five of us left in the Philippines, the rest will have gone abroad in search of "greener pastures." It's not just an anomaly; it's a trend; the Filipino diaspora. Today, about eight million Filipinos are scattered around the world.

There are those who disapprove of Filipinos who choose to leave. I used to. Maybe this is a natural reaction of someone who was left behind, smiling for family pictures that get emptier with each succeeding year. Desertion, I called it. My country is a land that has perpetually fought for the freedom to be itself. Our heroes offered their lives in the struggle against the Spanish, the Japanese, the Americans. To pack up and deny that identity is tantamount to spitting on that sacrifice.

Or is it? I don't think so, not anymore. True, there is no denying this phenomenon, aided by the fact that what was once the other side of the world is now a twelve-hour plane ride away. But this is a borderless world, where no individual can claim to be purely from where he is now. My mother is of Chinese descent, my father is a quarter Spanish, and I call myself a pure Filipino-a hybrid of sorts resulting from a combination of cultures.

Each square mile anywhere in the world is made up of people of different ethnicities, with national identities and individual personalities. Because of this, each square mile is already a microcosm of the world. In as much as this blessed spot that is England is the world, so is my neighbourhood back home.

Seen this way, the Filipino Diaspora, or any sort of dispersal of populations, is not as ominous as so many claim. It must be understood. I come from a Third World country, one that is still trying mightily to get back on its feet after many years of dictatorship. But we shall make it, given more time. Especially now, when we have thousands of eager young minds who graduate from college every year. They have skills. They need jobs. We cannot absorb them all.

A borderless world presents a bigger opportunity, yet one that is not so much abandonment but an extension of identity. Even as we take, we give back. We are the 40,000 skilled nurses who support the UK's National Health Service. We are the quarter-of-a-million seafarers manning most of the world's commercial ships. We are your software engineers in Ireland, your construction workers in the Middle East, your doctors and caregivers in North America, and, your musical artists in London's West End.

Nationalism isn't bound by time or place. People from other nations migrate to create new nations, yet still remain essentially who they are. British society is itself an example of a multi-cultural nation, a melting pot of races, religions, arts and cultures. We are, indeed, in a borderless world!

Leaving sometimes isn't a matter of choice. It's coming back that is. The Hobbits of the shire travelled all over Middle-Earth, but they chose to come home, richer in every sense of the word. We call people like these balikbayans or the 'returnees' -- those who followed their dream, yet choose to return and share their mature talents and good fortune.

In a few years, I may take advantage of whatever opportunities come my way. But I will come home. A borderless world doesn't preclude the idea of a home. I'm a Filipino, and I'll always be one. It isn't about just geography; it isn't about boundaries. It's about giving back to the country that shaped me.

And that's going to be more important to me than seeing snow outside my windows on a bright Christmas morning.

Mabuhay and Thank you.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

To the special people in my life

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime. When you know which one it is for a person, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

Relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Emperor's Seed

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose His successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different. He called young people in the kingdom together one day.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you." The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today, one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!"

One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about 3 weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks went by. Still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants but Ling didn't have a plant, and he felt like a failure. 6 months went by; still nothing in Ling's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing.

Ling didn't say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection.

Ling told his mother that he wasn't going to take an empty pot but his Mother said he must be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his Mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful-in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey nice try."

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!"

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!"

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. "My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down.

He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn't believe it. Ling couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you.

Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!"


If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But:
If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.
If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.
If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.
If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.
If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.
If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.
If you plant greed, you will reap loss.
If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.
If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.
If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

So be careful what you plant now, it will determine what you will reap tomorrow.

The seeds you now scatter will make life worse or better your life or the ones who will come after. Yes, someday,
you will enjoy the fruits, or you will pay for the choices you plant today.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Ten Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical,and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wife treats husband like toxic waste.

Commandment 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished..

Bonus Commandment story.
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me... and at this time of year we all could use a little calm!!! By following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read:

"The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."

So I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished... and before coming to work this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white, the Bailey's, Kahlua and Tia Maria, my Prozac, some valium, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freakin' good I feel... So you may want to pass this on to those you feel are in need of Inner Peace.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Ten Secrets

THE FIRST SECRET ----The Power of Thought. Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about.
Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize him or her when you meet him or her.

THE SECOND SECRET ----The Power of Respect. You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself: "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself: "What do I respect about them?"

THE THIRD SECRET ----The Power of Giving. If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.

THE FOURTH SECRET ----The Power of Friendship. To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.

THE FIFTH SECRET ----The Power of Touch. Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking
down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

THE SIXTH SECRET ----The Power of Letting Go. "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was." Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts, and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me -today is the beginning of a new life."

THE SEVENTH SECRET ----The Power of Communication. When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and... why are you waiting?

THE EIGHTH SECRET ----The Power of Commitment. If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.

THE NINTH SECRET ----The Power of Passion. Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.

THE TENTH SECRET ----The Power of Trust. Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself: "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", then you must think very carefully before you make any type of a commitment.


"I don't understand a god that would allow us to meet if there's no way for us to be together."
- City Of Angels

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Have a great day!

I woke up early today, excited over all
I get to do before the day ends.
I have responsibilities to fulfill today.
I am important.
My job is to choose what kind of day
I am going to have.

Today I can complain because
the weather is rainy...or
I can be thankful that the grass
is getting watered for free.

Today I can grumble
about my health...or
I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can mourn my
lack of friends...or
I can excitedly embark upon a
quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because
I have to go to work...or
I can shout for joy because
I have a job to do.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because
I have to do housework...or
I can feel honored because Life has
provided shelter for my mind, body, and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me,
waiting to be shaped.
And here I am, the sculptor who
gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me.
I get to choose what kind of day
I will have!

Why Not Make It A Great Day?!?!?!

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

I got listed in the Wow Directory

Wow Directory listed me in their personal home pages section. Perhaps the editor who reviewed my site liked the couple of jokes I put in there. I am so excited. No really.

Intelligence is a Byproduct of Evolution

Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft employees each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft employee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers the Apple engineer.

They all board the train. The Microsoft employees take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Microsoft employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft employees decide to copy the Apple engineers (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Microsoft employee.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an Apple engineer.

When they board the train the three Microsoft employees cram into a restroom and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Microsoft employees are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please..."

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Never Argue with a Child

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was?
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family)answered,"Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's
Michael. He's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on
my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of
apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

Monday, May 17, 2004

Sleep: Myths and Facts

Lots of people have strong views and misconceptions about sleep or lack of it. A lot of these are shaped by living in an essentially sleep deprived post-industrial society.


The National Sleep Foundation has compiled this list of common myths about sleep, and the facts that dispel them.

Myth #1: Snoring is annoying (to other people) but is not a serious matter.
Wrong. It is true that for lots of people snoring is a harmless thing, but for some it can be a symptom of a life threatening sleep disorder called sleep apnea, especially if it is accompanied by severe daytime sleepiness. Sleep apnea is characterized by pauses in breathing that prevent air from flowing into or out of a sleeping person's airways. People with sleep apnea awaken frequently during the night gasping for breath. The breathing pauses reduce blood oxygen levels, can strain the heart and cardiovascular system, and increase the risk of cardiovascular disease. Snoring on a frequent or regular basis has been directly associated with hypertension. Obesity and a large neck can contribute to sleep apnea. Sleep apnea can be treated; men and women who snore loudly, especially if pauses in the snoring are noted, should consult a physician.

Myth #2: Sleep less now, catch up later.
Not exactly true. Experts say we need 7-9 hours of sleep everyday to keep us fit and healthy.
The notion of being sleep-deprived frequently and making up for it when we have the time is simply erroneous.
When we don't get adequate sleep, we accumulate a sleep debt that can be difficult to "pay back" if it becomes too big. The resulting sleep deprivation has been linked to health problems such as obesity and high blood pressure, negative mood and behavior, decreased productivity, and safety issues in the home, on the job, and on the road.

Myth #3: Turning up the radio, opening the window, or turning on the air conditioner are effective ways to stay awake when driving.

That can be a prescription for disaster. These methods are ineffective and can lead to mishaps and accidents. When sleepy on the road, the best prescription is to pull off the road in a safe rest area and take a nap for 15-45 minutes. Caffeinated beverages can help overcome drowsiness for a short period of time. However, it takes about 30 minutes before the effects are felt. The best prevention for drowsy driving is a good night's sleep the night before your trip.

Myth #4: Teens who fall asleep in class have bad habits and/or are lazy.
According to sleep experts, teens need at least 8.5 - 9.25 hours of sleep each night, compared to an average of seven to nine hours each night for most adults. Their internal biological clocks also keep them awake later in the evening and keep them sleeping later in the morning. However, many schools begin classes early in the morning, when a teenager's body wants to be asleep. As a result, many teens come to school too sleepy to learn, through no fault of their own.

Myth #5: Insomnia is simply not being able to sleep at nights.
A lot of people associate insomnia with difficulty sleeping at nights, forced to stay awake watching late night TV. That is only part
of the picture however - one of four symptoms generally associated with insomnia. The others include waking up too early and not being able to fall back asleep, frequent awakenings, and waking up feeling unrefreshed. Insomnia can be a symptom of a sleep disorder or other medical or psychological/psychiatric problem, and can often be treated. When insomnia symptoms occur more than a few times a week and impact a person's daytime functions, the symptoms should be discussed with a doctor or other health care provider.

Myth #6: Daytime sleepiness always means a person isn't getting enough sleep.
Excessive daytime sleepiness is a condition in which an individual feels very drowsy during the day and has an urge to fall asleep when he/she should be fully alert and awake. The condition, which can occur even after getting enough nighttime sleep, can be a sign of an underlying medical condition or sleep disorder such as narcolepsy or sleep apnea. These problems can often be treated, and symptoms should be discussed with a physician. Daytime sleepiness can be dangerous and puts a person at risk for drowsy driving, injury, and illness and can impair mental abilities, emotions, and performance.

Myth #7: Being sleep deprived is not a health risk.
Far from it, not getting enough sleep is not, seriously not good for your health. Insufficient sleep affects growth hormone secretion that is linked to obesity; as the amount of hormone secretion decreases, the chance for weight gain increases. Blood pressure usually falls during the sleep cycle, however, interrupted sleep can adversely affect this normal decline, leading to hypertension and cardiovascular problems. Research has also shown that insufficient sleep impairs the body's ability to use insulin, which can lead to the onset of diabetes. More and more scientific studies are showing correlations between poor and insufficient sleep and disease.

Myth #8: The older you get, the fewer hours of sleep you need.
Not really. Humans generally need the same amount of sleep throughout their adult lives, although sleep patterns may change as they age.

Older people may wake more frequently through the night and may actually get less nighttime sleep, but their sleep need is no less than younger adults. Because they may sleep less during the night, older people tend to sleep more during the day. Naps planned as part of a regular daily routine can be useful in promoting wakefulness after the person awakens.

Myth #9: Your brain rests while you're sleeping.
The brain never rests, just 'recharges'. During sleep the brain remains active and still controls many body functions including breathing. When we sleep, we typically drift between two sleep states, REM (rapid eye movement) and non-REM, in 90-minute cycles. Non-REM sleep has four stages with distinct features, ranging from stage one drowsiness, when one can be easily awakened, to "deep sleep" stages three and four, when awakenings are more difficult and where the most positive and restorative effects of sleep occur. However, even in the deepest non-REM sleep, our minds can still process information. REM sleep is an active sleep where dreams occur, breathing and heart rate increase and become irregular, muscles relax and eyes move back and forth under the eyelids.

Myth #10: When waking up in the middle of the night, get back to bed and try to get back to sleep.
Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep is a symptom of insomnia. Relaxing imagery or thoughts may help to induce sleep more than counting sheep, which some research suggests may be more distracting than relaxing. Whichever technique is used, most experts agree that if you do not fall back asleep within 15-20 minutes, you should get out of bed, go to another room and engage in a relaxing activity such as listening to music or reading. Return to bed when you feel sleepy. Avoid watching the clock.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

SUCCESS - by Anthony Robbins

Something to ponder on for the day......

Success - "knowing the right people," "being in the right place at the right time," and "using the right tools" - Anthony Robbins

Your career is not everything; your life is. But then, what is life without a career or a career without a life?

1. You are always on your own. Even if you work for a big company, you will always be on your own. Companies aren't people. They're things and they don't have feelings. If you are expecting the company to "take care of you or "do the right thing", you'll be often disappointed. There are no strong bonds in a company. No one cares more about your career than you do. Remember that, and don't expect the company to take care of you.

2. Certain jobs fit certain people best. You do have special gifts that fit you for some, disqualify you for others. Take time to assess your skills, temperament and aptitude in depth.

3. Careers are short-term. Your present job can end anytime, even if you own the company! Therefore, think short term. Don't take your present career for granted. Someone once described a consultant as a person who wakes up every morning unemployed. You should feel the same way. Wake up every morning feeling unemployed so that you'll appreciate your present job more and figure out what you're going to do next. Always have a "Plan B." (No kidding!!)

4. It's more important to be a "people person" than an "achievement-oriented person who always win at the cost of others. People skills are more important than technical skills. Even in technical jobs, you have to deal with someone. The average performer who are easier to get along with last longer in his job.

5. What you accomplish today will be your calling card tomorrow. Your accomplishments will determine your marketability. In marketing yourself, it's the results that count. A soccer forward who scores in every game is easier to market than one who doesn't. So make sure you're contributing something substantial and measurable every day. And make sure you keep a written record of your results, in case you forget!

6. If you lose your job, 80% of your marketing for a new position is already done. That's right. Your reputation, results, accomplishments, people skills, contributions, friendships are all a matter of record. If you've been a contributor, if you've been kind to others and easy-to-work-with, you'll be in better demand. If not, you won't. Nobody can create friendship for you if you haven't created it for yourself.

7. Changing fields, industries, and functional specialties is difficult. The more difficult it is, the bigger the change will be! Therefore, choose your career path carefully. As management expert Peter Drucker says, "The best way to predict the future is to plan it."

8. If you're fired or laid off, don't sue your former employer. Ask yourself why you didn't see it coming; or if you did see it coming. Ask yourself why you didn't do something about it. Figure out your part in causing the problem. Then set about creating a new, better life for yourself. There is a better life in your future.

9. Don't stay in a job you hate. Hating your job can kill you.

10. Success is difficult. If success were easy, everyone would be successful.

11. There's a special place for everyone. You can create the kind of future you want.

12. The workplace is fun and challenging. It can also be cruel and heartless. It rewards effort and planning, but tends to punish indifference and lack of preparation. Those who don't manage their careers, who just let things happen - often end up in painful, dead-end jobs and lifestyles.

13. You are in full control of your own future. No one can deny you a happy life if you decide to plan it and work for it. No one can stop you from becoming successful, but yourself.

14. It's never too late for a new beginning.

15. Align yourself with winners. Hang around with winners. Success really does rub off from others.


"If you keep doing what you have always been doing, you're going to get what you've always gotten"

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Uptime girls...

David Racho Uptime

Wrong Funeral

This is really beautiful... God is not sleeping.

Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of the pew where I sat.

I was at the funeral of my dearest friend - my mother.

She finally had lost her long battle with cancer.

The hurt was so intense, I found it hard to breathe at times.

Always supportive, Mother clapped loudest at my school plays, held a box of tissues while listening to my first heartbreak, comforted me at my father's death, encouraged me in college, and prayed for me my entire life.

When Mother's illness was diagnosed, my sister had a new baby and my brother had recently married his childhood sweetheart, so it fell on me, the 27-year-old middle child without entanglements, to take care of her.

I counted it an honor.

"What now, Lord?" I asked sitting in church

My life stretched out before me as an empty abyss.

My brother sat stoically with his face toward the cross while clutching his wife's hand.

My sister sat slumped against her husband's shoulder, his arms around her as she cradled their child.

All so deeply grieving, no one noticed I sat alone.

My place had been with our mother, preparing her meals, helping her walk, taking her to the doctor, seeing to her medication, reading the Bible together.

Now she was with the Lord.

My work was finished, and I was alone.

I heard a door open and slam shut at the back of the church.

Quick footsteps hurried along the carpeted floor.

An exasperated young man looked around briefly and then sat next to me.

He folded his hands and placed them on his lap.

His eyes were brimming with tears.

He began to sniffle. "I'm late," he explained, though no explanation was necessary.

After several eulogies, he leaned over and commented, "Why do they keep calling Mary by the name of 'Margaret'?"

"Because that was her name, Margaret. Never Mary. No one called her 'Mary,'" I whispered.

I wondered why this person couldn't have sat on the other side of the church.

He interrupted my grieving with his tears and fidgeting.

Who was this stranger anyway?

"No, that isn't correct," he insisted, as several people glanced over

at us whispering, "Her name is Mary, Mary Peters."

"That isn't who this is."

"Isn't this the Lutheran church?"

"No, the Lutheran church is across the street."

"Oh."

"I believe you're at the wrong funeral, Sir."

The solemness of the occasion mixed with the realization of the man's mistake bubbled up inside me and came out as laughter.

I cupped my hands over my face, hoping it would be interpreted as sobs.

The creaking pew gave me away.

Sharp looks from other mourners only made the situation seem more hilarious.

I peeked at the bewildered, misguided man seated beside me.

He was laughing, too, as he glanced around, deciding it was too late for an uneventful exit.

I imagined Mother laughing. At the final "Amen," we darted out a door and into the parking lot.

"I do believe we'll be the talk of the town," he smiled.

He said his name was Rick and since he had missed his aunt's funeral, asked me out for a cup of coffee.

That afternoon began a lifelong journey for me with this man who attended the wrong funeral, but was in the right place.

A year after our meeting, we were married at a country church where he was the assistant pastor.

This time we both arrived at the same church, right on time.

In my time of sorrow, God gave me laughter.

In place of loneliness, God gave me love.

This past June we celebrated our twenty-second wedding anniversary.

Whenever anyone asks us how we met, Rick tells them, "Her mother and my Aunt Mary introduced us, and it's truly a match made in heaven."

Friday, May 14, 2004

Ducks

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

Thursday, May 13, 2004

The Perfect Person

J. M. Whitaker

For as long as I can remember, I have been searching for the perfect girl. Since I was old enough to begin longing for female companionship, I have been on the hunt. I guess it started out as just a simple dream or fantasy, not unlike most of us. The strange thing about it was that it never stayed just a dream or a fantasy. The more people I dated, the more times I was let down, the more I hungered for that perfect person, the one that would fill all of my needs and desires, the one that would never let me down.

I dated girl after girl. Some of them were great while others got me into some trouble. Some of them made me laugh, but a lot of them made me cry. Through my journey, I found a lot of joy and a lot of sorrow, a lot of happiness and a lot of pain, but never the perfect girl. I had dreamed about her. Dark hair, darker eyes, a slim figure tinted golden brown from the sun. She had an accent and could play the cello. She would love to talk, but wouldn't expect me to talk too much. She would always ask me how my day was and would always have a smile on her face; absolute perfection.

I began to devise methods in how I would meet the girls I would date. I knew I wanted an intelligent girl, so I hung out in libraries and museums. I meet this real crazy girl at a library after school one day. She was smart and sexy and, well? crazy. I would rather not go into a lot of details about it. Let's just say she had some real deep-seated anxieties about our relationship and, consequentially, our break up.

I knew I wanted an artistic girl, so I went to music stores and coffee shops, I even tried a couple of classical concerts. I met this wonderfully cute girl who dressed really dark and loved to write poetry. She was great, we used to stay up all night long talking about the silliest things, but she ended up dumping me for some guy who did drugs and rode a motorcycle.

I got into a car accident with a girl driving a Pontiac Sunfire. She had no driver's license or car insurance, but she did have a really great smile and the prettiest hair. Instead of calling the police, we called in sick and went out to eat. We dated for a while but eventually came across an irreconcilable difference in opinions. She didn't always feel the need to come "straight home" after work. Okay, to be honest, toward the end of our relationship, she rarely came home at all.

Then there was the girl from the International House of Pancakes. She was an exact replica of my personality. I mean if you had met us both over some Internet chat room, you would swear we were the same person using multiple screen-names. Sounds sweet, huh? Have you ever considered marrying yourself? Have you ever thought about growing old together, just you and yourself? We both found that the whole idea of finding that "perfect person" was to find someone different from yourself to fulfill the empty spots within you.

I searched every where. I left no rock unturned, no leaf moved aside, but to no avail. After much pain and heartache, I began to believe that the perfect girl just did not exist. Then one day, I found her.

Her name was Malia. She was from Hawaii, raised in Italy. She wore silk pajama pants to bed. She had written a novel. She loved the beach and hated cats, just like me. She had silky, dark and curly hair that swayed perfectly if the breeze was right. She had a caramel colored body, etched out of a block of pure perfection, and her face was that of an angel. From the very first time I saw her, I could not seem to take my eyes away from hers. She was like a siren, calling my name, beckoning me closer to her, even when she was asleep. The attraction was complete, with no faults, no annoyances. Every time she spoke shemesmerized me and every time she moved she amazed me. She was... well, perfect. Oh, and did I mention she played the cello?

We spent all the extra time we had together. We spent so much time together that we decided to move in together. We were paying rent on two places, but one of them was doing nothing but collecting dust. We would sit on the porch when it rained and hold each other. We would lay on the beach and soak up a sweet combination of sunrays and pina coladas. Life was good. No, life was perfect and I knew it just couldn't possibly get any better than it was right then and there.

Two years later, Malia left me for a career-opportunity at a really prominent university in Europe. There were no harsh words, no angry feelings, not even any sad good-byes. She was so perfect that if she wanted to leave, I wanted it for her. That is, until she was gone.

I cried for days, and began to drink for weeks after that. I felt as if my life was over, that the only reason that I had existed was gone, and every breath I took from that moment on was a futile attempt to hold on to something I later found I never had: The Perfect Love.

Malia was perfect. She was perfect in each and every single way, but I was not. Our love for each other was a deeply committed one, but it was far from perfect. I know that now, but if I could go back in time to tell myself that in an attempt to save myself from all of that pain and suffering, I fear I would not have listened to myself.

I slept with many women, sometimes a different girl every week. I drank excessively and spent all of my money on temporary satisfaction. Anything to ease the pain. But the pain did not ease, it only grew stronger. It became a vicious circle of self-inflicted torture that eventually brought me to my knees and forced me to open my eyes to the real world. But not before it made me a bitter man.

I was wiser, but to this day, the decisions made left a coldness in my eyes that made my heart appear as lead to anyone who dared look. I became a loner, staying home on the weekends, saving my money for a healthy but lonely retirement, having accepted my fate. I was to be alone for the rest of my life. Kathy with a K. Actually, her name is spelled Kathyrn. Quite peculiar, but I didn't think so until later. For the longest time, I never even knew her name. But she was a sight for sore and lonely eyes. I saw her at work. I was her boss (actually, I was her boss' boss) and did not want to risk the chance of even speaking to her. She was just too beautiful, and I had become a beast with a past too horrible to mention. I would just watch her as she passed my office every day. She didn't walk, she frolicked, and I would sneak out for a break whenever she did just to watch that frolicking. She smiled every time someone spoke to her, a smile like the early morning sun, and her eyes were so dark that you couldn't see her pupils, only the glimmering from the light that made her eyes look like two bright stars. I was under her spell and I didn't even know her name. One day, watching her outside, I convinced myself to ask around about her. Find out her name and maybe even find out if she was seeing someone. Just as I had decided that she spoke to me.

Kathy with a K. She ended up asking me out, you know. I told her I couldn't that night because I had to work late. Actually, I was too scared. I called her and asked her if she wanted to go to Starbucks after work the next day and she agreed. It turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. We were both still pretty new in town and didn't really know our way around. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to take her next so I winged it the whole way. Like I said, it turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. It was perfect.

She was not perfect, but neither was I. We both carried a truckload of emotional baggage and we both had a mountain of flaws. But it was perfect. She would always forget to plug in her cell phone at night, but I would always remind her. I couldn't do laundry worth a flip, but she showed me how. She could never get to work on time, and she hated to drive, but we both had to be at work on time so I drove us both there. Whenever she was slacking I was always right over her shoulder, and when I would lose track of what I was trying to do, she would help to keep me focused. We complemented each other in every single way. Neither of us was perfect, but we were perfect for each other.

When you're out there looking for that perfect person keep these things in mind. People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you're thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. Even Malia was not perfect because the perfect girl in my dreams was supposed to stay with me.

There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Should you be marrying?

This is one of the readings given during Pre-Cana classes.

SHOULD YOU BE MARRYING?

If this question disturbs you, we are sorry. But as a marriage counselor with 22 years of experience says, I am often asked? What is the most common cause of marital breakups?? In all honesty I have to answer?

Two people who should never have married in the first place, or, at least, should never have married each other?

Most of you will build satisfactory marriages. Many of you will build very happy marriages. For the few of you who might not do either, the following warning signs might well indicate whether you should have second thoughts. We call them the fourteen ifs.

1. You may be very deeply in love, but if you have known each other for less than 3 months, professionals say it is doubtful that you have been acquainted long enough to really know the person you plan to marry. Better give yourselves and the relationship more time.

2. If your fianc� has been really drunk or used drugs 3 times in the past 3 weeks or about 10 times in the past 3-4 months, he or she may have a problem that requires professional help. No marriage should begin if one partner is clearly unstable, troubled, and in need of professional help.

3. If your fianc� makes statements like, "I owe a great deal to mother. It's my duty to make her happy", and if such statements are coupled with behavior that makes it apparent that he or she will do almost anything to ensure parental approval. You should consider how close a relationship with in-laws a healthy marriage can sustain.

4. If you fianc� says things like, "I can't live without you; my life has no meaning apart from you; if I ever lost you I would kill myself", and if such statements are joined to very obvious dependent behavior, this partner may bring nothing to the relationship beyond deep draining needs. Being needed so desperately may flatter the ego for a while, but if that's all there is, the relationship may become dull and draining. Counseling is indicated before considering marriage.

5. If you have developed a pattern of quarreling with, disappointing, seriously irritating, or hurting each other during the majority of times that you have been together in the last 3 months, perhaps you are trying subconsciously to tell each other something. Think about it. Marriage will not erase this type of discontent.

6. If many of the significant, mature people in your life - parents, relatives, teachers and especially good friends who love you - indicate that you may be making a mistake, you should take pause. People rarely comment on another's decision in this day and age. If they muster the courage (in words or otherwise) to tell you that they are troubled, weigh their opinions or non-verbal reactions.

7. If some very serious problem has occurred in the past few weeks, and if it is definitely troubling you, and if you have not had an opportunity to work it through, then either confront the problem or think about postponing the wedding.

8. If your financial situation is uncertain and there appears to be no means of correcting it in the near future, don't pass it off because "we're in love". Statistics show that financial problems are a significant factor in the dissolution of at least 40% of all marriages. Although money does not buy happiness, lack of money can cause a great deal of stress and unhappiness.

9. If all your friends are marrying and you feel pressured to do the same, don't! You can sustain any amount of societal or peer pressure to avoid an unhappy life.

10. If you feel that having become sexually involved commits you to marrying each other despite serious problems in your relationship, don't! A good marriage is predicated on maturity and responsibility, not on sexual involvement which may not be founded on love.

11. If both of you are 18 years of age or under, your potential for divorce is 3.5 times greater than that of people who are 21 years of age and over.

12. If you are marrying because you just have to get out of the house, you will ultimately hurt only yourself if marriage is merely a means of asserting your freedom or "getting back" at your parents for past hurts. Moving out of the house might be very appropriate, but should marriage be the excuse or the way?

13. If you are a pregnant couple (it does take two), then slow down, think, talk, ponder, and pray. Neither pregnancy itself nor the fear of any social stigma that pregnancy might cause are good reasons to marry. Ask yourselves whether you would really marry one another if there was no pregnancy.

14. If your backgrounds or cultures or religious beliefs differ so greatly that strong differences of opinion about important matters have already occurred, the difficulties will more than likely increase when you marry. Further, if one partner consistently compromises and the other never does, resentment might eventually build up on both sides. You should be able to meet one another at least half way.

NOTE: No one can predict that your marriage will fail or succeed, and none of these warning signs spells absolute disaster. The risk that you take is part of the adventure of marriage. But, if you decide to take that risk, you must first consider the odds. Are they in your favor? If not, you might be taking a far greater risk than you should.

Please do not panic, bury your head in the sand, or hit the road. But, do think it over and talk it over. Make certain that you are acting responsibly in that your decision to marry is made with good judgment. You might want to ask advice from a qualified, unbiased person, such as a priest, minister, or married person.

Although marriage is a wonderful state, it is also a life-long task that should be given careful consideration before a lasting decision is made or binding action taken. You owe it to one another to be honest about your feelings and your situation. Only good can come of it.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

How to be a Great Lover

"The reason most of us don't receive enough love is that we don't know how to love. We must realize that love has to be given first before it can be received. Read on and learn the secrets to becoming a truly great lover!

1) Be attractive and inviting.
2) Be the sunshine of your loved one's life.
3) Look your loved one straight in the eye.
4) Know what turns your loved one on.
5) Be sensuous, sensual.
6) Have fun!
7) Be a good provider.
8) Communicate and listen.
9) Praise and compliment your beloved.
10) Make your loved one proud of you.
11) Connect spiritually.
12) Truly love him/her."

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." -Barbara de Angelis

A Date with the Other Woman

After 21 years of marriage, I discovered a new way of keeping alive the spark of love. A little while ago I started to go out with another woman. It was really my wife's idea.

"I know you love her," she said one day, taking me by surprise.

"But I love you!" I protested.

"I know, but you also love her."

The other woman my wife wanted me to visit was my mother, who has been a widow for 19 years. The demands of my work and my three children had made it possible for me to visit her only occasionally. That night, I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.

"What's wrong, are you well?" she asked. My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.

"I thought it would be pleasant to spend some time with you," I responded. "Just the two of us."

She thought about it for a moment, then said, "I would like that very much."

That Friday, after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the doorway with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's.

"I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed," she said as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting."

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Halfway through the entree, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.

"It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said.

"Then it's time you relaxed and let me return the favor," I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation - nothing extraordinary, just catching up on recent events of each other's lives. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed and kissed her good night.

"How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home.

"Very nice. Much nicer than I could have imagined," I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.

Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I was almost sure that I couldn't be there but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant to me. I love you."

At that moment, I understood the importance of saying, "I love you" in time, and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than God and your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot always be put off to "some other time." - Author unknown

The Kind of Love I Want

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80s arrived to have sutures (stitches) removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9 a.m. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had a doctor's appointment that morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, and that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired about her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease.

As I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left. I had goose bumps and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither exclusively physical nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be. - Author unknown

Monday, May 10, 2004

Advice for the married, planning to get married, single but not available, single and available, no love life

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance doesn't become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle.

But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come.

If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait.

The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.




A beautiful piece. Please pass it on specially to the young people who restarting to get into relationships or are in a relationship. It would save them a lot of heartaches and bitterness down the road.

Sunday, May 09, 2004

Food for Thought

Never welcome something you cannot entertain. Never open your doors if you mean to close your heart. Never accept love if you can't give yourself in return. Never start a relationship you know you want to end. Two of the shortest words in the English language are "YES" and "NO" and yet they are often the ones that require the most thought before they are said. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left kept to yourself, but love has its way of expressing itself despite the silence.

Always say you are sorry to people you have wronged. Remember, it is not always what you say that hurts, but the words that you don't. Never abandon an old friend. You will never find one who can take his place.

Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older. God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on the humps too long. Move on! When you feel down >because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because God is thinking of something better to give you. When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means. There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.

You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, and the rest is up to the person to realize your worth. Life is a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you can spend it only once.


Five rules to be happy.
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

What the heart gives away is never gone... It is kept in the hearts of others. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risks.

Secure a special place in your heart. A certain place only you can enter. For there will come a time when you need to find yourself and only your heart will show you the way.

The measure of love is when you love without measure. In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return. So once you have it don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again. People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. That's why there's so much chaos in the world... people are being used and things are being loved. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages of life.

Every commitment is a choice. Non-choosers and half-choosers are a puzzle to themselves and to others. They live in the immature condition of wanting to "play everything by ear." Every once in a while ask yourself the question: If money weren't a consideration, what would I like to be doing? It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. We spend so much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, and you don't look for mistakes. Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook excuses.

Titanium Rings - DNA platinum/gold inlay

I might get one of these Titanium Rings - DNA platinum/gold inlay for my lady. I don't really believe in diamonds, but indestructible rings have a romantic feel to it.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Mock Election

Well, the company I work for has around 500 plus employees, customer service types, call center, back end processing. Based in the Philippines, and nearing the national elections, human resource conducted a mock election - a survey of sorts, for the presidential candidates. The results are not surprising, although I still find it hard to believe they still voted for anyone else:

Total of 241 votes (which means about half did not respond at all)

47.3% GMA = Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo
22% Raul Roco
14% Panfilo "Ping" Lacson
13% Brother Eddie Villanueva
2% FPJ = Fernando Poe Jr
1% Eddie Gil (Nuisance Candidate)
2% No Comment (they actually voted to nominate no one.)

Now that doesn't add up to exactly 100%, but there may be rounding errors, we were never given the raw numbers.

Note that everyone that works for this company has a requisite university or college degree. You need one before being considered for employment. These days, I can't imagine why you'd still pick someone who didn't even finish highschool, for the highest post of the land.

A Glass of Milk

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"

You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."

He said..... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Many year's later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.

He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words.....

"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."

There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?

Now you have two choices. You can send this page on and spread a positive message. Or ignore it and pretend it never touched your heart. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which To burn.....

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth."
-Proverbs 27:1

Friday, May 07, 2004

Google Preferences

I made my Google Preferences default to 100 searches per page.

I can tell how old you are.

A middle aged woman decides to have a facelift on her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk,

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply. "I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 47."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?" "No", she says. He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's!!"

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Anything Less Than Mad Love Is A Waste Of Your Time

by Leah S. Casta�eda

One of the most recently released movies that have perhaps hit home(cringe!), so to speak, is the low-budget "Dream for an Insomniac" starring Ione Skye and Jennifer Aniston. The lead actor used to be a child star but unfortunately, the movies which catapulted him to fame have already slipped my mind. Try to rent a copy of this movie not because of the talent of those who starred in it but because of the dialogue. One of those lines which bore a hole in my heart was, and I quote (not verbatim, though):

"I don't want to be sixty years old and married to my second-best choice, wondering what ever happened to the one who got away." This is just one of the two great lines in that movie. I'll tell you what the other one is later. Meantime, let me concentrate on this line - the line that sends chills down your spine once you decide to spend more than five seconds thinking about it.

Have you ever wondered what it must feel like married to the one you settled on? This truly gives me great feelings of anxiety. It might be difficult to accept the word "settle" because it conjures up images of quasi-happiness and half-hearted glee. Yes, there is some sort of satisfaction and perhaps, some feeling of security that can be derived from such a partnership but I wonder, could there be anything more? To settle is to ultimately accept what is within reach, what is available, what is there. To settle is to convince one's self that the decision about to be made is inevitable, realistic, and safe. To settle is to risk not ever being truly happy because one decides to adopt the worst type of bahala na attitude on life's greatest challenges. And settling is a sorry consequence of the passage of time. Yes, time can be the balm that soothes open, painful wounds in one's heart but it can also be that dark force that manipulates one's mind into thinking and believing that the choice one has made is the best choice... the only choice. What time does, and I'm sure you'll agree, is it lodges one's mind and heart in a cage with the door partly open -- with the promise of a better life losing its appeal over the reality of the present, the convenient, and the routine. Time also pressures one into selecting a suitor or spouse because 'wala nang iba' and 'nagmamadali na ako' and there, 'puwede na rin.'

The wickedness of "settling" is not one way. It also eventually hurts the one who was chosen because in all respects, the truth will surface. You no doubt realize that you just wasted each other's time and emotions. But then again, if your spouse chose you not because he or she "settled," then forget about the win-win situation you were gunning for. Frankie (Ione Skye) delivered that line when she was deciding whether or not to do everything possible to win David Shrader's heart. David happened to be involved with someone else. He was attracted to Frankie but didn't really think it wise to split up with his girlfriend of three years on a limb. Very much unlike you and me, Frankie is very atypical of the Rules Girl. She went for David, bared her soul, and tried to convince him that he will only be happy with her. She then gave him the other great line in the movie to make him leave his girlfriend for her. Anything less than mad, passionate love is a waste of my time.

In the end, David left his girlfriend for Frankie and they lived happily ever after. Wow. Many times, in my not too colorful past, I almost gave in to the urge to tell the boy I liked what I felt for him. In all those times, I opted otherwise for fear of my mother's wrath and, of course, embarrassment in case of rejection. I am scared of losing my precious dignity and pride in case he tells me that he only sees me as a friend. I'm sure you got through these exercises in your psyche too. Sometimes, our hearts win out over our brains when our certainty over the outcome is great. I try to espouse The Rules and very rarely make the first move. More often than not, I wait for the guy to call. Now you know that I'm one of those who walk the avenues of life on a sidewalk -- never off it.

Now, I'm starting to believe otherwise. I see the beauty in sharing your feelings with the one you love - not because you expect something in return but because life cannot be lived otherwise. It is a great, big step for an otherwise conservative, 'torpe' girl like you and me but if you think about it, it's the only way to go.

Richard Paul Evans' bestseller after The Christmas Box -- The Locket --tells us the story of a woman who fell in love with a soldier when they were both very young. They shared their feelings with each other and were very happy. Eventually, he went off to war and she married somebody else, thinking he wouldn't return to her. Years passed and they lived their separate lives -- he married and had a family while the woman's husband and son eventually succumbed to illnesses and died. She decided to wait for her soldier's wife to die before she came back to him -- because she didn't think it was right to complicate his life. The wait took more than sixty years until she eventually found the announcement of his wife's death in the obituary. By this time, the woman was already 80 and could barely walk. Sadly, by the time she managed to find her soldier to tell him she loved him, he was already senile. The woman eventually died a few days after seeing her soldier and perhaps going throught the most heart-wrenching experience in her life. She was too late. The morals of the stories I have mentioned above are similar and almost connected to each other. Perhaps another book theme that we can tie into these is that line from The Bridges of Madison County -- "This kind of certainty comes but once ina lifetime."

I am of the belief that each person is given the chance to find his one true love as he goes about his life. Sometimes, the opportunity is not too obvious, especially for those who are content with their situation and therefore are not seeking "greener pastures." These times, the chance is often passed up. The luckier ones are those who are probably more clear-minded and in touch with their emotions because they can easily recognize what is staring them in the face. Whether this chance is passed up or not, I know that the feeling one gets when this chance is still within reach is one of certainty. Yes, it is also accompanied with feelings of danger, of risk, and of possible pain but compensating for this is that inexplicable "sureness," that sense of profound happiness that has never been derived anywhere else but from that one person who just happened to pass by in your tidy little life.

I've written in this space an article on The Rules and the benefits that can be reaped from patterning one's life after its teachings. I've been successful in convincing the people around me to use The Rules to theiradvantage. I know of some women who swear by The Rules because they married their man. Now I'm saying that there should be an escape clause somewhere for your own good.

Follow The Rules in your daily life but have the wisdom and the humility to recognize a gift from the heavens when it is given to you. I call true love a gift because of its rarity. It does not happen everyday. If you pass it up the first time, try not to be too arrogant to look away when it comes by the second time. You may ask me "how will I know if this is my true love?" My answer to that is this: true love is that strong, awesome feeling that scares the hell out of your but always makes you unbearably happy. It doesn't go away, no matter how much you will it to. More than anything else, you'll know in your heart when you meet him that he is the one. He doesn't become the one the same way that soulmates do not become soulmates later in life. With him, you are damn certain that you are not settling. With him, you know that you will be sixty years old and never wondering about the one that got away because he never did.

He's right there holding your hand.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

what's new

same old same old. another day. I'm wondering why. Not really.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

keep on posting

David Racho - yeah, that's the site I attempted to blog to. Anyway, just playing around. Don't mind me; I'm pretty sure you won't find anything important here. I'll just keep on posting and posting and maybe ... whatever.
Well. What do you know. This works. I tried it on the free geocities, but apparently, free ones don't get ftp access.

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