Sometimes as a discussion starter, people will ask, "If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it be?" It is always a fun question to listen to people answer. It gives you a good look into their interests.
But of course, it is all a dream isn't it? I mean, we can't ever get the chance to interact with the great minds of history, could we?
Well, actually, we can! That's what books are for! In fact, I would argue that reading a book written by someone great, or a book written about the life of someone great may even be BETTER than an evening with that person. Why? Because if you spent a dinner with someone, you would have random conversation, interrupted by others at the dinner with you, but when you read a book by or about that person, you get to spend hours of uninterrupted time with that person's thoughts and ideas! How amazing is that? You could spend time with Thomas Edison, William Shakespeare, Margaret Thatcher or Bill Gates.
The miracle of books is that they sow seed ideas inside of you, and ideas--when they come to fruition--produce manifold benefits for you.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Internal Communication - How We Speak to Ourselves
Every single human being has internal dialogue every day. It is the thoughts that make up our thinking all day long. There are two kinds of thoughts:
First, the thoughts about what is going on and about the people around us:
That building is tall.
That flower is beautiful.
Today is Friday, and the weekend starts tomorrow.
Tom is a nice guy.
Second, the thoughts about ourselves:
I am smart.
I could never do that.
I want to achieve more.
And so on.
We all have thoughts that fill our minds. The power for our lives comes when we make the connection between the thoughts we think, the actions we take and the results we see in our lives.
Here is how it works: The thoughts we think take control of the actions we perform, which produce the results we see. For example, if we think, "I really love to work out and the way it makes me feel," we will more likely find ourselves working out. Working out, in turn, will help us get in better shape. So, the progression goes from the internal dialogue - what we tell ourselves - to the actions that express those thoughts, to the results that come from those actions.
The key is to control the thoughts we think and to be purposeful about them. So, how are we purposeful? Good question! The answer is to begin with the end result you want, and work backward:
If you want to get in better shape, then you would ask yourself what actions would work for you to attain that goal. Then you would ask yourself what thoughts you could fill your mind with that would produce the action of working out more often. Maybe write down ten thoughts that would give you a foundation of a healthy outlook on working out. Then memorize them and meditate and think about them throughout the day. Let them begin to be your natural thoughts. You will find that they will produce those actions, and the actions will give you the desired results.
First, the thoughts about what is going on and about the people around us:
That building is tall.
That flower is beautiful.
Today is Friday, and the weekend starts tomorrow.
Tom is a nice guy.
Second, the thoughts about ourselves:
I am smart.
I could never do that.
I want to achieve more.
And so on.
We all have thoughts that fill our minds. The power for our lives comes when we make the connection between the thoughts we think, the actions we take and the results we see in our lives.
Here is how it works: The thoughts we think take control of the actions we perform, which produce the results we see. For example, if we think, "I really love to work out and the way it makes me feel," we will more likely find ourselves working out. Working out, in turn, will help us get in better shape. So, the progression goes from the internal dialogue - what we tell ourselves - to the actions that express those thoughts, to the results that come from those actions.
The key is to control the thoughts we think and to be purposeful about them. So, how are we purposeful? Good question! The answer is to begin with the end result you want, and work backward:
If you want to get in better shape, then you would ask yourself what actions would work for you to attain that goal. Then you would ask yourself what thoughts you could fill your mind with that would produce the action of working out more often. Maybe write down ten thoughts that would give you a foundation of a healthy outlook on working out. Then memorize them and meditate and think about them throughout the day. Let them begin to be your natural thoughts. You will find that they will produce those actions, and the actions will give you the desired results.
Monday, August 28, 2006
The Power of Passing It On
A young woman said something very powerful and something that I think would do us well to think about this week. She talked about passing things on and the power that comes from that.
You see, we do not live our lives in a vacuum. We are the extension of lives that came before us, and we extend our lives into those who come after us. We receive - both good and bad - from those who come before us. And we give - both for good and for ill - to those who come after us.
Have you thought lately about what you have received from those who passed their lives on to you? Maybe now would be a good time to thank those who have helped you to become who you are.
Have you thought lately about what kind of life you are passing on to those who come after you? Now may be a good time to start thinking seriously about the life you are living and what exactly you are passing on. Now may be the perfect time to become very purposeful about what you are passing on and the legacy you are leaving.
The beauty of the power of "passing it on" is that we can choose to give to others something even more powerful and beneficial than what we ourselves received. As I write this, I am twenty-nine years old, and the home my family just moved into three years ago is the 6th home I have lived in during my life. The greatest thing about our new home is watching my nephews enjoy a home that they can live in and feel safe, secure and peaceful in.
I am teaching them how to be successful in life and in a more secure environment than I ever had for myself growing up. That is something I am passing on to my family. And hopefully, they will go much further than I could ever dream of.
You see, we do not live our lives in a vacuum. We are the extension of lives that came before us, and we extend our lives into those who come after us. We receive - both good and bad - from those who come before us. And we give - both for good and for ill - to those who come after us.
Have you thought lately about what you have received from those who passed their lives on to you? Maybe now would be a good time to thank those who have helped you to become who you are.
Have you thought lately about what kind of life you are passing on to those who come after you? Now may be a good time to start thinking seriously about the life you are living and what exactly you are passing on. Now may be the perfect time to become very purposeful about what you are passing on and the legacy you are leaving.
The beauty of the power of "passing it on" is that we can choose to give to others something even more powerful and beneficial than what we ourselves received. As I write this, I am twenty-nine years old, and the home my family just moved into three years ago is the 6th home I have lived in during my life. The greatest thing about our new home is watching my nephews enjoy a home that they can live in and feel safe, secure and peaceful in.
I am teaching them how to be successful in life and in a more secure environment than I ever had for myself growing up. That is something I am passing on to my family. And hopefully, they will go much further than I could ever dream of.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Pruning painful but profitable
I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.
Several years ago in the spring, my husband planted three rose bushes in one of the flower beds close to our house. He had missed having roses for several years, and finally decided that he?d had enough? he would plant some roses, even though we knew we?d be moving sometime the following spring. All three bushes were hearty, and each one produced a number of buds. But one ? the Tropicana ? was doggedly determined to produce twice as many buds as the other two ? almost as though it was in a competition with the others! Finally, as fall approached, my husband pruned all three bushes back so that they would bloom again the following year year. But he didn?t ask the Tropicana if it was through blooming? The other two quietly went dormant for the winter, but the Tropicana continued with the dogged determination it had exhibited all year long, growing some new branches, and continuing to produce roses far into December! In fact, the last bud bloomed the day before Christmas Eve!
As expected, we ended up moving in early March, too soon to see the roses bloom. I?m sure that all three bushes sprouted new branches and bore even more roses than they did the prior year. And I?m sure the result was glorious! It would have been fun to watch the Tropicana to see if it continued to out-do the other two bushes!
Why all this talk about roses? Because you and I are much like my husband?s rose bushes. The Lord says that he prunes us so that we will bear more fruit? But why do we need to be ?pruned?? Pruning is an act of cleansing. It cuts away the bad or dead parts so that more good can come through. So our pruning comes about when the Lord allows adversity to arise in order to cleanse a particular part of us that needs cleansing.
I met a woodcarver a few years ago who carved incredibly life-like dogs. I asked him how he managed to make them look so real. He smiled and said, ?I just carve off all the parts that don?t look like a dog!? Using exactly the same process, the Lord is ?carving? all the pieces off of us that don?t look like Jesus.
Pruning or carving? either one not only can be, but usually is quite painful. The reason is, our sinful natures generally LIKE those parts that the Lord is pruning or carving away! Whether we want to admit it or not, it's hard to give up things like sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, drunkenness, orgies and the like. If your eyebrows went up over that list, and you were thinking you?ve never done any of THOSE things. Well, maybe not? but how about hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, or perhaps the most common and deceptive of all sins? gossip? a sin that most people never think of as sin, but that God always ranks right in there with murder and adultery when He?s listing those things that are ?abominations? to Him.
The Lord knows that the only way we can be more fruitful for Him is to be more like Him... and that pruning and carving are the only way. So the next time you run up against a problem, praise God for it! Large or small, and no matter how painful the process, He's merely snipping away another little piece of you that doesn't look like Jesus!
How Big Is God to You?
?Oh, Lord, your ocean is so mighty and my boat so small.? Author Unknown
I remember the first time I was taken out into the Gulf of Mexico far enough that I couldn?t see land any more. And I remember how tiny I felt in the grand scheme of things. It?s easy these days to think of ourselves as much more significant than we really are. In order to get a grasp on how big God is, think for just a moment? If you took all of your acquaintances in this world and tried to keep up with what each one was doing each day, how impossible would that task be? Yet, God sees and knows each and every one of us moment-by-moment in detail. When I think of the incredible accumulation of knowledge that God has allowed us to have, and then I realize that it is no more than a minute speck in the knowledge of God. It?s then that I realize what a precious gift God gave us in His Son. He was given to die for us, not cumulatively, but individually, for our individual sins. Wrap your mind around that for a minute. He sees the sparrow fall. He knows the number of the hairs of your head. He is available 24/7 to you, individually, and to everyone else at the same time.
This week, try to find a few moments to stop what you?re doing. Just be still. And ponder the awesome and massive mind of God. Let God become as big in your life as He truly is, and when you realize His size and power, and you understand that- even as a minute speck ? His love was great enough to sacrifice Himself for you. Then you may begin to understand that He is in control, and that your worries are for nothing.
Several years ago in the spring, my husband planted three rose bushes in one of the flower beds close to our house. He had missed having roses for several years, and finally decided that he?d had enough? he would plant some roses, even though we knew we?d be moving sometime the following spring. All three bushes were hearty, and each one produced a number of buds. But one ? the Tropicana ? was doggedly determined to produce twice as many buds as the other two ? almost as though it was in a competition with the others! Finally, as fall approached, my husband pruned all three bushes back so that they would bloom again the following year year. But he didn?t ask the Tropicana if it was through blooming? The other two quietly went dormant for the winter, but the Tropicana continued with the dogged determination it had exhibited all year long, growing some new branches, and continuing to produce roses far into December! In fact, the last bud bloomed the day before Christmas Eve!
As expected, we ended up moving in early March, too soon to see the roses bloom. I?m sure that all three bushes sprouted new branches and bore even more roses than they did the prior year. And I?m sure the result was glorious! It would have been fun to watch the Tropicana to see if it continued to out-do the other two bushes!
Why all this talk about roses? Because you and I are much like my husband?s rose bushes. The Lord says that he prunes us so that we will bear more fruit? But why do we need to be ?pruned?? Pruning is an act of cleansing. It cuts away the bad or dead parts so that more good can come through. So our pruning comes about when the Lord allows adversity to arise in order to cleanse a particular part of us that needs cleansing.
I met a woodcarver a few years ago who carved incredibly life-like dogs. I asked him how he managed to make them look so real. He smiled and said, ?I just carve off all the parts that don?t look like a dog!? Using exactly the same process, the Lord is ?carving? all the pieces off of us that don?t look like Jesus.
Pruning or carving? either one not only can be, but usually is quite painful. The reason is, our sinful natures generally LIKE those parts that the Lord is pruning or carving away! Whether we want to admit it or not, it's hard to give up things like sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, drunkenness, orgies and the like. If your eyebrows went up over that list, and you were thinking you?ve never done any of THOSE things. Well, maybe not? but how about hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, or perhaps the most common and deceptive of all sins? gossip? a sin that most people never think of as sin, but that God always ranks right in there with murder and adultery when He?s listing those things that are ?abominations? to Him.
The Lord knows that the only way we can be more fruitful for Him is to be more like Him... and that pruning and carving are the only way. So the next time you run up against a problem, praise God for it! Large or small, and no matter how painful the process, He's merely snipping away another little piece of you that doesn't look like Jesus!
How Big Is God to You?
?Oh, Lord, your ocean is so mighty and my boat so small.? Author Unknown
I remember the first time I was taken out into the Gulf of Mexico far enough that I couldn?t see land any more. And I remember how tiny I felt in the grand scheme of things. It?s easy these days to think of ourselves as much more significant than we really are. In order to get a grasp on how big God is, think for just a moment? If you took all of your acquaintances in this world and tried to keep up with what each one was doing each day, how impossible would that task be? Yet, God sees and knows each and every one of us moment-by-moment in detail. When I think of the incredible accumulation of knowledge that God has allowed us to have, and then I realize that it is no more than a minute speck in the knowledge of God. It?s then that I realize what a precious gift God gave us in His Son. He was given to die for us, not cumulatively, but individually, for our individual sins. Wrap your mind around that for a minute. He sees the sparrow fall. He knows the number of the hairs of your head. He is available 24/7 to you, individually, and to everyone else at the same time.
This week, try to find a few moments to stop what you?re doing. Just be still. And ponder the awesome and massive mind of God. Let God become as big in your life as He truly is, and when you realize His size and power, and you understand that- even as a minute speck ? His love was great enough to sacrifice Himself for you. Then you may begin to understand that He is in control, and that your worries are for nothing.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Shopping for a Spouse
Why I decided to chuck my Mr. Right checklist.
by Shana Schutte
Until a few years ago, I shopped for men like I shop for Kleenex, Saran Wrap, or jelly beans?with a list. A girl knows what she's getting when she makes a list. She can size up her date and compare him with criteria to make sure he's "worthy."
Everywhere single women look, someone encourages us to find the perfect guy. Friends say, "Don't settle." Hollywood airs numerous shows that keep Prince-Charming dreams alive. The Internet promises romance at the click of a mouse. Even Christian books encourage us to use a list through titles such as Your Mr. Perfect and God Will Make Your Match in Heaven.
My list was longer than Santa's. Some of my criteria were valid?he must love God and me. Others may have been a tad lofty. For example, at one point, my goal was to marry a man who looked like Mel Gibson, and who was as sensitive as my closest girlfriend and as wise as Jesus. He also had to be funny, financially stable, athletic, charismatic, good with children, patient, a good communicator, gentle, and assertive. He had to share my life's vision, always balance his checkbook, and not have hair on his back, sport a spare tire, or live in a trailer.
But I couldn't find a man to meet these criteria anywhere! So when I turned 33, I was shopped out. When a friend gave me a journal for my birthday with Colossians 3:14 (NKJV) on the cover?"Love is the bond of perfection"?I felt God stirring my heart. I asked God what he wanted me to learn from this verse, and I sensed him gently whisper, Shana, love is the bond of perfection; perfection isn't the bond of perfection. Suddenly I realized the error of my thinking. I thought if I found the perfect mate, I'd have the perfect love. But God clued me in that perfection doesn't create a perfect bond; God-honoring love, even in the midst of imperfections, does.
Shortly thereafter I was shocked to hear that "Lisa," a single woman in my church, was getting married. It wasn't the fact she was getting married that shocked me, it was to whom she was getting married: Tim. I had a vivid memory of how "grossed out" Lisa had been years earlier when Tim had tried to kiss her one night.
After listening intently to her story back then, I understood why she wasn't interested: Her list consisted of tall, dark, handsome, and outgoing. Tim was of medium height, blond, "OK" looking, and one of the shyest people I'd ever met. Yes, Tim was one of the nicest guys at our church. Yes, he was witty, had a great job, and loved God, but these didn't make up for what he didn't have on Lisa's list.
So what happened to change her "eww" to "I do"? Ironically, it was an argument one night after they'd attended a wedding together as friends. As Lisa sped away from Tim's house, she felt God speak to her, Are you overlooking Tim just because he's not every little thing on your list? In that moment, she focused on what Tim did offer instead of what he didn't. Lisa realized that for the past eight years Tim had listened to her cry, laugh, and tell lively stories as only she can do. Together Lisa and Tim had ridden bikes, attended singles functions, and become best friends. Instantly her heart melted and she threw away her list. "I was ready to get married the next month," she said. It seems that while Lisa knew what she wanted in a spouse, God knew what she needed.
When I saw Lisa at her wedding, she was beaming. Her joy caused me to scrutinize my list. While it's important to be discerning and prayerful when considering any potential mate, I began to see the pitfalls of list-making. And I began to recognize some of the unhealthy motivations behind my list.
Fear Factor
In my early twenties, I lost a man I deeply loved. I thought my wounded heart never would heal. I now realize I developed my list for protection. It was easier to have a shopping list no one could fulfill than to risk getting hurt again. Then God reminded me of his promise never to leave me or forsake me ( Hebrews 13:5). I found this comforting in the face of the fact that loving anyone is a risk. Walking in the knowledge that God will carry me through the difficult times and will be with me no matter what now gives me the freedom to take wise risks in romantic relationships.
Additionally, I looked at others who made a poor choice in a marriage partner and determined not to be like them. While there's wisdom in this, at the same time I wasn't trusting God with my personal life. God showed me self-protective hearts can't love. I thought keeping a list would protect me. But after many years of sizing men up, I developed negative thought patterns. I didn't realize I was operating out of fear and a critical spirit until God revealed that to me. It was then I realized the list I held was, in reality, holding me.
Diva Dating
Our society encourages an "It's all about me" attitude. Music, television, books, even well-meaning friends encourage self-promotion. But this attitude blocks love. First Corinthians 13:4 says love isn't proud. We can't focus on ourselves and then expect a relationship to flourish. Not only is this kind of thinking not conducive to a healthy relationship, it's also not conducive to a healthy heart, one free of pride and a judgmental spirit.
Once when I was talking with a friend about a potential date, she responded, "He's too short for you. Never date a guy who's either shorter than you or whose pants you can wear." I'm not sure why she added these stipulations to her list but, with God's grace, I decided I wouldn't add them to mine.
Great Expectations
What if I find a man I think is perfect only to realize on the other side of the altar he has flaws? I easily could think I made a mistake the first time I discovered one of his weaknesses or stumbled onto one of those inevitable relationship problems over money or the in-laws. However, nowhere in Scripture does God promise us a perfect man.
Lasting romance, the Bible tells us, is rooted deeply in the soil of sacrifice. List-making, on the other hand, can be critical and self-serving. Practicing selfless love, whether relationships lead to marriage or not, blesses everyone involved. And as Christians, we're called to selfless love, the kind that has others' best interest in mind.
Selfless, agape love helps me respect a man's hobbies, beliefs, unique qualities, and weaknesses. He may not be able to talk at length about shopping or friendships. His feet may be hairy and his temperament introverted. Agape love helps me give grace when I don't feel like it, and understanding when he doesn't meet all the criteria on my list. It means sometimes I give up my wishes to accommodate his, and sometimes he gives up his wishes to accommodate mine. That's the kind of others-centered love that's called for in the Bible, that leads to lasting relationships, and that Christ himself modeled for us when he walked the earth.
Life After the List
So does trashing your shopping list mean throwing discernment out the door? Certainly not! Some relationships are unhealthy or downright dangerous and shouldn't be entered at all. For example, dating someone who's verbally or physically abusive is always wrong.
Unfortunately, many of us have been tempted by relationships with men who don't treat us well. Several years ago, I became involved with a man who was often irritable and short-tempered. He told me he was unable to change his angry outbursts and was unwilling to seek help. With prayer, I decided not to continue the relationship because it was emotionally and spiritually unhealthy.
Ditching our list doesn't mean giving up any standards; it means adopting God's higher, better standards. This means looking for a man who shares our faith and who exhibits patience, gentleness, humility, generosity, and kindness. These qualities never will steer a girl wrong. And ditching our list means being open to the mysterious, unpredictable nature of love, and being focused on believing God knows what we need in romantic relationships. I certainly trust his judgment more than mine any day!
Soon after I tossed my list, God brought me a date with which to practice selfless, agape love. As I waited for his arrival for our first date, I sensed God saying to me, When he gets here, your job isn't to judge him but to love him as I do. I have to admit, this was a challenge. More than once I wanted to size him up and reject him. Instead, I looked past all the qualities that used to be on my list and tried to get to know his heart. As a result, wonderful things have happened since our first date. We've laughed, prayed, and grown together. We've learned to solve conflict and have become each other's greatest cheerleader. I've become more accepting. I knew God truly changed my heart when my date told me, "You love me like Christ." I don't know where this relationship is headed long-term, but I love that it's marked by grace, God's guidance, and freedom from the constraints of any list.
by Shana Schutte
Until a few years ago, I shopped for men like I shop for Kleenex, Saran Wrap, or jelly beans?with a list. A girl knows what she's getting when she makes a list. She can size up her date and compare him with criteria to make sure he's "worthy."
Everywhere single women look, someone encourages us to find the perfect guy. Friends say, "Don't settle." Hollywood airs numerous shows that keep Prince-Charming dreams alive. The Internet promises romance at the click of a mouse. Even Christian books encourage us to use a list through titles such as Your Mr. Perfect and God Will Make Your Match in Heaven.
My list was longer than Santa's. Some of my criteria were valid?he must love God and me. Others may have been a tad lofty. For example, at one point, my goal was to marry a man who looked like Mel Gibson, and who was as sensitive as my closest girlfriend and as wise as Jesus. He also had to be funny, financially stable, athletic, charismatic, good with children, patient, a good communicator, gentle, and assertive. He had to share my life's vision, always balance his checkbook, and not have hair on his back, sport a spare tire, or live in a trailer.
But I couldn't find a man to meet these criteria anywhere! So when I turned 33, I was shopped out. When a friend gave me a journal for my birthday with Colossians 3:14 (NKJV) on the cover?"Love is the bond of perfection"?I felt God stirring my heart. I asked God what he wanted me to learn from this verse, and I sensed him gently whisper, Shana, love is the bond of perfection; perfection isn't the bond of perfection. Suddenly I realized the error of my thinking. I thought if I found the perfect mate, I'd have the perfect love. But God clued me in that perfection doesn't create a perfect bond; God-honoring love, even in the midst of imperfections, does.
Shortly thereafter I was shocked to hear that "Lisa," a single woman in my church, was getting married. It wasn't the fact she was getting married that shocked me, it was to whom she was getting married: Tim. I had a vivid memory of how "grossed out" Lisa had been years earlier when Tim had tried to kiss her one night.
After listening intently to her story back then, I understood why she wasn't interested: Her list consisted of tall, dark, handsome, and outgoing. Tim was of medium height, blond, "OK" looking, and one of the shyest people I'd ever met. Yes, Tim was one of the nicest guys at our church. Yes, he was witty, had a great job, and loved God, but these didn't make up for what he didn't have on Lisa's list.
So what happened to change her "eww" to "I do"? Ironically, it was an argument one night after they'd attended a wedding together as friends. As Lisa sped away from Tim's house, she felt God speak to her, Are you overlooking Tim just because he's not every little thing on your list? In that moment, she focused on what Tim did offer instead of what he didn't. Lisa realized that for the past eight years Tim had listened to her cry, laugh, and tell lively stories as only she can do. Together Lisa and Tim had ridden bikes, attended singles functions, and become best friends. Instantly her heart melted and she threw away her list. "I was ready to get married the next month," she said. It seems that while Lisa knew what she wanted in a spouse, God knew what she needed.
When I saw Lisa at her wedding, she was beaming. Her joy caused me to scrutinize my list. While it's important to be discerning and prayerful when considering any potential mate, I began to see the pitfalls of list-making. And I began to recognize some of the unhealthy motivations behind my list.
Fear Factor
In my early twenties, I lost a man I deeply loved. I thought my wounded heart never would heal. I now realize I developed my list for protection. It was easier to have a shopping list no one could fulfill than to risk getting hurt again. Then God reminded me of his promise never to leave me or forsake me ( Hebrews 13:5). I found this comforting in the face of the fact that loving anyone is a risk. Walking in the knowledge that God will carry me through the difficult times and will be with me no matter what now gives me the freedom to take wise risks in romantic relationships.
Additionally, I looked at others who made a poor choice in a marriage partner and determined not to be like them. While there's wisdom in this, at the same time I wasn't trusting God with my personal life. God showed me self-protective hearts can't love. I thought keeping a list would protect me. But after many years of sizing men up, I developed negative thought patterns. I didn't realize I was operating out of fear and a critical spirit until God revealed that to me. It was then I realized the list I held was, in reality, holding me.
Diva Dating
Our society encourages an "It's all about me" attitude. Music, television, books, even well-meaning friends encourage self-promotion. But this attitude blocks love. First Corinthians 13:4 says love isn't proud. We can't focus on ourselves and then expect a relationship to flourish. Not only is this kind of thinking not conducive to a healthy relationship, it's also not conducive to a healthy heart, one free of pride and a judgmental spirit.
Once when I was talking with a friend about a potential date, she responded, "He's too short for you. Never date a guy who's either shorter than you or whose pants you can wear." I'm not sure why she added these stipulations to her list but, with God's grace, I decided I wouldn't add them to mine.
Great Expectations
What if I find a man I think is perfect only to realize on the other side of the altar he has flaws? I easily could think I made a mistake the first time I discovered one of his weaknesses or stumbled onto one of those inevitable relationship problems over money or the in-laws. However, nowhere in Scripture does God promise us a perfect man.
Lasting romance, the Bible tells us, is rooted deeply in the soil of sacrifice. List-making, on the other hand, can be critical and self-serving. Practicing selfless love, whether relationships lead to marriage or not, blesses everyone involved. And as Christians, we're called to selfless love, the kind that has others' best interest in mind.
Selfless, agape love helps me respect a man's hobbies, beliefs, unique qualities, and weaknesses. He may not be able to talk at length about shopping or friendships. His feet may be hairy and his temperament introverted. Agape love helps me give grace when I don't feel like it, and understanding when he doesn't meet all the criteria on my list. It means sometimes I give up my wishes to accommodate his, and sometimes he gives up his wishes to accommodate mine. That's the kind of others-centered love that's called for in the Bible, that leads to lasting relationships, and that Christ himself modeled for us when he walked the earth.
Life After the List
So does trashing your shopping list mean throwing discernment out the door? Certainly not! Some relationships are unhealthy or downright dangerous and shouldn't be entered at all. For example, dating someone who's verbally or physically abusive is always wrong.
Unfortunately, many of us have been tempted by relationships with men who don't treat us well. Several years ago, I became involved with a man who was often irritable and short-tempered. He told me he was unable to change his angry outbursts and was unwilling to seek help. With prayer, I decided not to continue the relationship because it was emotionally and spiritually unhealthy.
Ditching our list doesn't mean giving up any standards; it means adopting God's higher, better standards. This means looking for a man who shares our faith and who exhibits patience, gentleness, humility, generosity, and kindness. These qualities never will steer a girl wrong. And ditching our list means being open to the mysterious, unpredictable nature of love, and being focused on believing God knows what we need in romantic relationships. I certainly trust his judgment more than mine any day!
Soon after I tossed my list, God brought me a date with which to practice selfless, agape love. As I waited for his arrival for our first date, I sensed God saying to me, When he gets here, your job isn't to judge him but to love him as I do. I have to admit, this was a challenge. More than once I wanted to size him up and reject him. Instead, I looked past all the qualities that used to be on my list and tried to get to know his heart. As a result, wonderful things have happened since our first date. We've laughed, prayed, and grown together. We've learned to solve conflict and have become each other's greatest cheerleader. I've become more accepting. I knew God truly changed my heart when my date told me, "You love me like Christ." I don't know where this relationship is headed long-term, but I love that it's marked by grace, God's guidance, and freedom from the constraints of any list.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Jesus is our Redeemer and our Friend
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Jesus is our redeemer and our friend. We've heard that over and over again. But do we really understand what it means? As our redeemer, Jesus laid down His life for us on the cross. He became the final sacrifice for our sins. He suffered and died so that we might live more abundantly now and forever. He paid the price we should have paid. He redeemed us from eternal damnation.
But Jesus is also our friend. As our friend, He spends as much time with us each day as we will allow. As our friend, He offers us advice and comfort and love, companionship and support and direction. As our friend, He comes into each and every difficult situation in our lives and takes us out of it, right? No! You and I know that there are some situations in life to which there are no clear-cut answers. And Jesus doesn't leap into bad or uncomfortable situation and pull us out. Rather, because He is our friend ? our best friend - He walks with us, holding our hand, guiding us, giving us a shoulder to cry on. He guides us through those difficult situations, giving us an anchor to cling to when the oceans of life threaten to sweep us away. He offers us advice and shows us how to handle each of our problems in the way that will prove best for us and for others and, most importantly, to the glory of God.
Jesus wants us to have joy, so He walks with us, letting us know that He cares, that He's there for us, that He will be our strength when we have none of our own. Knowing that He is there and that He cares is what gives us that inner joy He wants us to have. And when we allow Him full reign in our lives, He provides us with His peace - something beyond our understanding, but so very blessed when it is received. As our friend, Jesus redeems us from the horror of living life without Him.
You and I can be a kind of redeemer to our friends. When someone gets in trouble, or is having a hard time, or is suffering, we can be a redeemer and a friend by walking with him through the situation... not making the situation go away, not bailing him out, not stepping in and taking over ... just walking with him. Letting him know we care. Giving him the comfort of knowing that someone is there with him, holding his hand, crying with him, giving him encouragement and direction, and most of all, peace.
Jesus is our redeemer and our friend. We've heard that over and over again. But do we really understand what it means? As our redeemer, Jesus laid down His life for us on the cross. He became the final sacrifice for our sins. He suffered and died so that we might live more abundantly now and forever. He paid the price we should have paid. He redeemed us from eternal damnation.
But Jesus is also our friend. As our friend, He spends as much time with us each day as we will allow. As our friend, He offers us advice and comfort and love, companionship and support and direction. As our friend, He comes into each and every difficult situation in our lives and takes us out of it, right? No! You and I know that there are some situations in life to which there are no clear-cut answers. And Jesus doesn't leap into bad or uncomfortable situation and pull us out. Rather, because He is our friend ? our best friend - He walks with us, holding our hand, guiding us, giving us a shoulder to cry on. He guides us through those difficult situations, giving us an anchor to cling to when the oceans of life threaten to sweep us away. He offers us advice and shows us how to handle each of our problems in the way that will prove best for us and for others and, most importantly, to the glory of God.
Jesus wants us to have joy, so He walks with us, letting us know that He cares, that He's there for us, that He will be our strength when we have none of our own. Knowing that He is there and that He cares is what gives us that inner joy He wants us to have. And when we allow Him full reign in our lives, He provides us with His peace - something beyond our understanding, but so very blessed when it is received. As our friend, Jesus redeems us from the horror of living life without Him.
You and I can be a kind of redeemer to our friends. When someone gets in trouble, or is having a hard time, or is suffering, we can be a redeemer and a friend by walking with him through the situation... not making the situation go away, not bailing him out, not stepping in and taking over ... just walking with him. Letting him know we care. Giving him the comfort of knowing that someone is there with him, holding his hand, crying with him, giving him encouragement and direction, and most of all, peace.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Another praying for us
A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert-like island.
The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agree that they had no other recourse but to pray to God.
However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.
The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.
After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.
Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.
Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.
As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"
"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them, the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything."
"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."
"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"
"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."
For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us.
The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agree that they had no other recourse but to pray to God.
However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.
The first thing they prayed for was food. The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.
After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.
Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.
Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.
As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"
"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them, the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything."
"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."
"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?"
"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."
For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
greatest support system in the world
What is the one thing that you do to get you through those most difficult times?
"The wise counsel of good friends. The greatest support system in the world is those close, intimate friends.
Figure out ways to help other people pay their bills, and yours get paid. When you figure out a way to help other people get well, you get well. If you help inspire someone, you become inspired. Change your focus from yourself and where you are and the difficulty you find yourself in, and see if you can't go to work a little extra helping people raise from where they are to where they want to be. Go rescue somebody from oblivion, go say a word of confidence and peace to somebody that's having more trouble than you are having.
Rest and wait until the time passes.
Prayer. I do believe that God is in control. Once I settled that about 40 years ago, I have lived the most incredible, peaceful life. If there is one word that I can give you to go home with, the major word would be 'trust'. Trust is better than worship. Just daily trust, starting in the morning, through the day, in the evening when you're a bit troubled about what happened, just say, 'Hey, I'm going to trust that come morning, answers will come--I'll have a new zest, a new vigor a new vitality.' Just that kind of trust has really seen me through."
"The wise counsel of good friends. The greatest support system in the world is those close, intimate friends.
Figure out ways to help other people pay their bills, and yours get paid. When you figure out a way to help other people get well, you get well. If you help inspire someone, you become inspired. Change your focus from yourself and where you are and the difficulty you find yourself in, and see if you can't go to work a little extra helping people raise from where they are to where they want to be. Go rescue somebody from oblivion, go say a word of confidence and peace to somebody that's having more trouble than you are having.
Rest and wait until the time passes.
Prayer. I do believe that God is in control. Once I settled that about 40 years ago, I have lived the most incredible, peaceful life. If there is one word that I can give you to go home with, the major word would be 'trust'. Trust is better than worship. Just daily trust, starting in the morning, through the day, in the evening when you're a bit troubled about what happened, just say, 'Hey, I'm going to trust that come morning, answers will come--I'll have a new zest, a new vigor a new vitality.' Just that kind of trust has really seen me through."
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Spiritual reading, walking, solitude
Chris: What is the one thing that you do to get you through those most difficult times?
Brian Tracy: "Three things that have been very helpful to me. I do spiritual reading every morning for 30-60 minutes. It lowers your flashpoint, so it's very hard for things to get you riled up or for you to get excited emotionally, if you have a lower flashpoint. So read spiritually--it calms you. As Jim says, it feeds your mind with mental nutrition.
The 2nd thing I do is walk. Walking and allowing your mind to run is a wonderful way to get clarity on things.
The 3rd thing I do is practice solitude, which is just sitting quietly by yourself and allowing your mind to calm. They say prayer is talking to God, but inspiration is when God talks to you, and when you sit quietly in silence by yourself, your mind will clear and God will always give you the answer to your most pressing problem at the moment."
--Brian Tracy, excerpted from the 2004 Weekend Event/Speaker Roundtable, DVD 11, CD 21, Track 6
Brian Tracy: "Three things that have been very helpful to me. I do spiritual reading every morning for 30-60 minutes. It lowers your flashpoint, so it's very hard for things to get you riled up or for you to get excited emotionally, if you have a lower flashpoint. So read spiritually--it calms you. As Jim says, it feeds your mind with mental nutrition.
The 2nd thing I do is walk. Walking and allowing your mind to run is a wonderful way to get clarity on things.
The 3rd thing I do is practice solitude, which is just sitting quietly by yourself and allowing your mind to calm. They say prayer is talking to God, but inspiration is when God talks to you, and when you sit quietly in silence by yourself, your mind will clear and God will always give you the answer to your most pressing problem at the moment."
--Brian Tracy, excerpted from the 2004 Weekend Event/Speaker Roundtable, DVD 11, CD 21, Track 6
Monday, August 21, 2006
It's been awhile
It's been awhile and I think it's about time I put more regular posts. I've also managed to get a domain of my own at http://www.davidracho.com/ but it will probably contain different content than in this blog. Or I might move over some from here to there when I figure out a decent hosting (or a cheap one, as that's all I'm really looking for.) I've also managed to get turbo cows but I don't know what to do with it so I'm just parking it for now.
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